Thursday, December 31, 2009 | Posted by Atika |
There's no turning back now.
It's amazing.REALLY.with a blink of an eyes,it is already the end of the year.The year that again coloured my everyday life.Yes,I'm happy.well,sort of.Throughout the whole years,a lot of memories created,bud and reminisced.2009 has been the year,I must.2009 is the year where almost all I've ever wanted came true ;D Well,sort of.It has been a wonderful year indeed.
I ponders all by myself today.My soul was not here.at all.It left me the moment I stepped out from the house.I'm lost.even at work.Things were out of place for once.I wonder why.I WAS supposed to be HAPPY.it's the last day of the year! and hey! I'll be legal tomorrow! I tried cheering myself up by doing everything right.But I guess I just cant.The memories that once fill the empty spaces in my mind are now fading.
Where did all the good time goes?
I hate disappointment.I hate putting myself in a situation where even I cant make the right choice.I hate making myself sad.even worse,hurting the people around me.unfortunately all that happened.Despite the happy and fun thoughts,I cant help but to blame myself for being someone that I never thought I'll be in a short period of time.I did feel left out sometimes,to be honest.I tried harder everyday,but I guess I've lost my spots in you.Forgive me for trying way too hard just to get you back.I'm sorry.Probably I'm not worth it,huh?
At times,I feel that I was all alone.Committing suicide did crossed my mind.But I guess He heard my prayers and lead me back to the right path.Love has finally found its way to get to me.But,im just a normal human being.Being loved differently than others are something unnatural for me.I am in love but I'm just too stubborn to admit.and he seems not interested?
and now he's leaving.forever? I have no idea.
I know I am not the girl of one's dream.Typical petite female who tried her very best to do everything as told.But again,I failed.Do you love me like how I love you?
People around me always see me as the jolly funny one,but deep down,I'm hurt.deeply.almost about everything.Healing process takes a longer time,i reckon.I want to break down and cry,but there's no there for me.New Year was supposed to be fun,right? Sad.I'm not.Spending the left hours at my own place is not as fun as expected.
I know I've already lost them but I still can't let go.
I'm too stubborn.Even if they dont talk,I'll always makes a fool out of myself just to get them to talk back to me.I told myself not too,but losing anyone of you is just too painful ): The friendship that we built with trust,love and care is no longer there.I can feel it.I'm not pretending.False pretense is not my game.Hear my plead.I'm sorry.
The memories throughout this year shall always be cherish forever.Good ones and bad ones.All has thought me to be stronger to face the new tomorrow.I shall start a fresh new beginning.Probably it will comes with good karma.Hopefully.
Classmates of 2009 ; amazing. prefects' gathering 2009 ; cherished. debate ; amusing. aerobicthon ; wonderful. charity ; deeds. the one ; grateful. happy pills ; happy.
Opening a new chapter.
Brand new beginning.
Goodbye 2009 ;)
I'm wishing all of you a good year ahead,alrighty?
Good night,love (:
Labels: bold, resolutions, thoughts