Atika Sikun




HI,
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A

Sept 14th, 1992 | Selangor, MY
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· change.
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He will never know.
Sunday, December 5, 2010 | Posted by Atika | 0 comment/s

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Taken from Aaron's ;

The title is self explanatory though goes against most common advise given out. "Think before you act" has always been a staple in life, my life nonetheless. Yet, the last few days have been just full of thoughts, to the extent any action fails to satisfy its need. I have failed to differentiate between coarse of action which can happen and the prominence, or should I say, distinct probability, of dreams becoming reality.

In short, I still think of her. I don't know why. I know I have been down this road before, and it wasn't pleasant. Never will such a memory bare any smile except for the fact I lived through it and survived. Why do I repeat this again, then? What has gotten into me? Just a few days and it seemed like months of hardship pulling through thick and thin in daily life has gone down the drain. All progress made in recuperating from lost hope now waning into the same ditch where floundered goals and dreams lie. How did I stoop this low once again?

I must confess I feel saddened yet encouraged by my sudden and rapid evolution of emotions. Disappointed that I failed to keep myself from falling once more, yet propelled in the sense that of being someone optimistic that this time round I have a more viable chance. Many would say it is as if having false hope in a lost cause. But what would I do if I ever will take such a path?

I am treading dangerous grounds as I pen these words, but I reckon it is for my memory's sake I do so.

Day by day I will try to impress her in everything I can. To the extent of attracting ridicule and any of the sort, for I would do anything for her to notice me.

I will celebrate New Year's with her, in our group of friends, not in some mall or square where the large crowds gather, but in the calmest of gardens and parks where the heavens can be seen from horizon to horizon, just sitting under an open cloudless moonlit sky.

I would orchestrate her a birthday she will never forget, one that shall make her smile from dawn till dusk, with all friends around, brightening her day like none other before. And never letting her know it was me.

I would ask her to the prom. Because I always wanted to and never had the chance nor the guts. Because she deserved to be asked to one. Because she belonged to be at one.

And when all is said and done, I will breathe deeply for a moment or two, remembering I did all I can to make her happy, to make her smile. As despairing as I may sound, her happiness is all I desire. The hope I have is that it is me who could bring it to her, yet such chances are far-fetched.

These are the things which I would do for her. Yet, I, and we all, well know such are the actions which I will never have the opportunity of doing. Even for the most minor of hopes, there will always be the barrier that is logic holding my ruthless and illogical heart from acting.

It shall remain nothing but a dream. Yet, I would do just about anything, to see her smile to never fade. Anything.


Thus, I end after an episode of much fuelled emotional tension within my own being. Though one day I shall look back at these words and may look upon myself in surprise, I engrave this here as a memory of a dream I had of someone whom I thought was special not because of any petty factor, but just for who she is.

And yet, she will never know.

Take flight, chap, and ascend like you once did on the dawn of August. May these words bear the brunt of the realization of imminence in thoughts which end, like they are supposed to.



Listening to Too Close Too Comfort by McFly. our song.



All were well said . Thank you :)

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