Atika Sikun




HI,
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A

Sept 14th, 1992 | Selangor, MY
"we only see what we want to see."


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· million years.
· so far yet so near.
· Inceptionally Blown.
· What the hell.
· Entah lah.
· Its a maggot thinking.
· I don't understand.
· Bittersweet Reminiscenes.
· More than words.
· :)


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Everything ;
Tuesday, April 12, 2011 | Posted by Atika | 2 comment/s

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Taken and edited from : ©XiuMing ; A TRANSIENT RAINBOWS.








:)


Everything is a once in a lifetime experience .

Life's an echo; all comes back, the good, the bad, the false, & the true. So, give the world the best you have & the best will come back to you.
( Uzair Halim , 2011 )



Finals is only few days away, and truthfully I am NOT ready. Too much of distractions and too much of obligations. I am no where near perfection and I am falling apart in the inside.


*pause*


Feeling rather empty these few days. ALONE. LONELY, in the inside. I tried to put a smile, but it was not sincere enough. The loved ones are busy , busier than ever. and I understand. We're drifting apart and I don't want to be a road block in their ways. Studies has gone from bad to worse. I can't get a grip of myself anymore as I cried myself to sleep . I'm pressurized emotionally and I don't to who should I tell everything.


I miss my old self since I am losing myself at the edge of breaking dawn.
I am trying to be happy , putting myself together back into pieces.
I don't think I'm in the right mood to do any exams at all.
I'm not nervous one bit but obviously I know it better than anyone that I haven really started on anything. Everyday has its own problems and own things to enjoy and I'm pretty much carried away.

This is really bad.


And secondly,
I know I've tried and tried again. Got broken and break apart but I'm still trying in the end. My family believes in me but I'm not very sure of what I want or whether I really need to do this. But I'm very sure that if I don't do any, I'll be sulking in my miseries in the end. I'm not asking for much but I hope you understand what are my intentions.

please be nice to me, please?


I hope you know that I am different. I hope you would take this in a different perceptive.
It's not that I always want to brag about the same thing or take your attention. I was so tempted. I've never felt so desperate or so crazy for a certain things before. Maybe I did but this is a whole new feeling. Something so new I don't know what to do about.
But you never understand. I wonder why. That hurts me too but I'm okay. As long as there's something to keep me going.
Just stop driving me crazy by the minute. Maybe I'll stop thinking of doing something so crazy that would probably be one of the things that makes pigs fly.
I've been not making sense so much because of this :(


Thirdly,
Where have you been? Your presence around me is fading by the day. I don't feel it anymore. Where have you actually been all these while? Have you been doing well? Have you been missing me? I've been missing you so very much I don't know if I can stay strong. I'm terribly jealous of the happy people around me. They looked so happy together. I want have someone understanding me. I really do.


Fourthly,
I wish I could manage myself better. I want to do something I love in life and I want to try so bad to make it come true. I want to do something for myself. I needed more discipline and determination in this.
I'm so going to work hard.


Fifth,
I think it's time for me to actually concentrate on my studies more and not get distracted with little things. Exam's next week. I need to study.I need to prepare more than ever.

I don't want to see that numbers mocking me again.


Let me have my confidence back. I want to look up in the sky everyday and say today's a good day. I want to tell myself everyday that I am pretty no matter what others say about me. I want to try everything in life.
I don't want to regret anything. And so far I'm doing a pretty good job on that.
So, let me continue. Let me be at my best.
I want things to be worked out by every sweat and every tears and every hardship of my own.




At the end of this post , I want to let all of you know that I'll be fine. I'm a big girl now. I'll move on. I love all of you and will never forget the good all times we had before. I'm sorry for everything that I have done ; that might hurt any of you and I wish all of you the best in life. I am not perfect but I'm trying to be perfect , in my own ways.





I'm smiling now. Stronger than ever.
Alhamdullilah ,
Thank you for the faith You gave me :)

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