Bottled up with anxiety , thoughtfulness , hatred and happiness .
I sat down alone , browsing through photos during my high school years , the smile and the laughters , and now come another phase in my life. To be honest , I'd never knew that my life would be this FUN , EXCITING and well , COMPLICATED at the same time. As the numbers added up, I've realized that I have to start acting and thinking wisely. I need , somehow a permanent distraction to keep me away from all the miserable thoughts and down-the-drain attitude :)
My second semester officially ended last week. I am facing my final examination now. FOUR more papers to go. My previous papers were though and well, confusing. For this semester , I don't know my own predicament of my CGPA . *sigh* I hope I won't flunk any papers or worse, dropped my CGPA. *gasp* HOPE NOT. PLEASE. I am running out of time and energy to revise . I am indeed exhausted these days . Haihhh.
Wonders what is installed for me next semester. Theater and Student Council. I want to ace both. I am dying to live up my dreams in my own vertically challenged life. I am not confused. I am just - different. I'm anxious , waiting for the right one to arrive. Things happened in the past shall not be remembered. Moving on , that's for sure. The spark is fading but I am still waiting. " I'll be here for you , remember? " I told you once that. Even if I were to lose you, I am grateful , that once you've made me feel special. VERY SPECIAL. :)
The seniors are leaving . Oh wait , they left already . I cried badly as I hugged them yesterday. I am so fragile when it comes to farewell. I don't know why. There will no more big brothers and big sisters to pamper me every time I passed by the college area. I knew this time will come, I guess I am STILL unwilling to let them go forever. Insya-Allah, we shall meet up again one day. AMIN :)
The Facebook lovelies ; the boys and the girls , thank you for the endless random moments and lending me your ears when I am in need. Thank you for making me laughs non-stop . To Ayip, Kak Nad, 'Azim , Kuat , Sarel, Af, Put, Ridwan, Amer, and countless of others, urhh, heeeeeee ! *cheesy grins* THANK YOU ! ;) I am contented somehow.
The family and friends back home, this girl will be back soon enough. Sorry for all the missed out dates and outings. was broke and tired. I'll make up for it somehow. Insya-Allah. To the besties , MUST HANG OUT when I reach Klang this May 2nd. yeay :D
To YOU ,
I'm sorry that I failed to be your utmost faithful servant . I am trying indeed now. Please guide me throughout the way . Amin.
I really appreciate life. I really want the best but it has been too much. Way too much.
Right now, still holding on. Still believe. Still have faith. Still have hope. Not questioning but trying to speak out. Not complaining, but trying to express myself. in every way possible.
I wonder how it feels like to be heard and I will just know it when. It is when I'm fearless. - N