Friday, January 13, 2012 | Posted by Atika |
I no longer wrote melodramatically compared to last time. not that often tho. But then, it just occured to me of how afraid I am to be losing one amazing part of my life at the moment : my boyfriend
. I am afraid that I will get hurt for another time , and then were left alone stranded with memories of them. Lately I've been getting flashbacks . A LOT OF IT. Some sort of beautiful yet painful memories. How I wish I can just ctrl + delete them all , but i just can't
I've been hounded by painful rejections that people may not know. Because well, some things are better left untold and definitely unsaid. So I did. I suffered and I cried . and I came back stronger than ever. Unfortunately, those uneasy feeling kept coming back . The harder I tried to erase all of its memories , more of it eventually came. it's like dejavu , and I'm losing.
They once left me breathlessly , along with endless confusion of constant longing to be with someone. To be with someone who actually accept me for who I am . Now , they came back again. And guilty is charged
. Somehow, I miss them all of sudden. and I feel terribly guilty. Cheating is not the exact phrase in my head right now , but I'm afraid it will leads to it , eventually
and frankly speaking , I don't want it. and I never will.
Because of the pledge I made ; to be with Muhammad Yusof Bin Fadhil forever till jannah
, Insya-Allah :) I need no guidance as I have Allah to guide me always. I am happy with the people around me as they are the ones who made my world brighter , colourful as ever. :)
I hereby apologized since my ability to express myself here have been rather abstract , in a way some people might not understand and was misinterpreted. I may not impress anyone of you, but I guess I shall only impress myself for the time being. I really need to brush up on the lack of fineness , vocabulary and grammatical wise of my writings.
but then again, this is just me
, at the moment . A proud self-expressive 20 years old Malaysian girl.
comprende ? :)