warning: banyak carutan. harap maklum
Just finished doing my work.
People said work is fun, but when you underestimate it, you're fucked, BIG TIME.
and that what happened to me.
not exactly like that
, but you get the big picture, right? No?
Ever since after the accident, I have not been able to focus well at work. With me financially tied up, I end up doing petty mistake (that I should not be doing anyways like omg wake up Atika -_-) I tried so hard to focus, but sometimes I slipped. I am also over thinking way too much on the transportation to work because well, my office is like crazy far t____t BUT alhamdulillah, my colleagues are more than helpful bila diorang offer to give me a ride to work, especially Maizan and Nabs. I am indeed forever in debt. Thank youuuu!
Right now, serious kepala semak dengan fikir macam-macam dalam kepala otak ini. I tried not to succumb the urge to be emotional (because I suck at it. I always wanna be HAPPY -_- ) but sometimes, i failed. Kalau I emo, I'll just cry my eyes out till it worries my teammates. Hehe. Sorry Anis and Izzah :p but really, I'm really tired handling this emotional battle alone.
After the accident, I find it really hard to go anywhere because I need to ask for my brother's help to send me to anywhere I wanted to and he doesn't really like the idea of being my fetch boy lel and frankly speaking, I don't like to ask him either. I am so used of being so independent by myself so bila kena mintak tolong orang, I panicked. Segan yang amat please -_-
Tapi nak buat macam mana kan, dugaan Allah bagi. Redha je lah. So everyday pening kepala nak mintak tolong siapa hantarkan to where. Sometimes masa balik. tepat pukul 5pm je, if either Maizan or Nabs couldn't send me home, I'll panicked. Hahaha. My mood swing is becoming way worse these days, thanks to the headache of thinking about my car and my money (fuck you mood swings)
I just got an update from Kenny, guys. He's my friend who is also helping me to settle my car shit. Apparently now it is taking them ages to actually release my car from the current workshop to be send to another shop. what the actual fuck wei? Instructions are already crystal clear man! >:( so fucking pissed la, okay?
Because I'm the kind of person yang tak boleh ada masalah, nanti semua benda affected. ARGH! I don't want to jeopardize my KPI sebab right now it seemed that in my head, it's already strike one. so two more strikes and I'm out
. I like to set standards for myself so that I can improve in all aspects in life. One step further at a time. I took my job lightly and I messed up. Sigh.
I now has stopped teaching at the moment. All because I couldn't find the time to do it anymore. Coming back and forth from work everyday is exhausting. but I love it because I love the challenge, and I love the people at work. Something happened and again, I think I messed up as well. Now I feel like I'm putting up a facade sometimes. I don't know what to feel, and how to react (thank you stupid emotional wall)
Omg guys, my mood swing is a bitch! ._.
I'm really hoping that all paperworks will settle by this week, in the mean time I'll just have to put up whatever emotional shit that is trying to take a toll on me, alone
. I must go through this. I got so worked up now that everyone is asking me about my personal life. STAPH! -_- I want to retaliate but I don't know why, really ._. yeah I'm that sad. I'm just good (really good) at words. nak cakap depan-depan tak berani. seriously. dari kecik diajar untuk tak lawan balik. tak baik. I think after gaji masuk and I got my car back, then everything will be back on track. Bahahaha. #messeduppriorities
ps: I regret not joining the MMA fight club. I so want to punch someone right now.
Okay, sekian bebelan kali ini. bye!